Monday, December 18, 2017

Blue Christmas - #MusicMovesMe

Blue Christmas, by Elvis Presley.

The lyrics don't really match what I want to blog about today, but in a way, the title does.

If you love music, why don't you join Xmas Dolly and the other Elves under the mistletoe?

The Head Elf is XmasDolly.  Her co-elves are:  Callie of JAmerican Spice, and ♥Stacy of Stacy Uncorked♥   The Rockin' elf Cathy from Curious as a Cathy !


This throwback is from December 9, 2009, the first time I wrote about "Blue Christmas".  Repeating this post has become a holiday tradition for this blog, because not everyone has a happy holiday season.

In 2015, our family (inlaws) experienced holiday death in the family again. My brother in law's mother in law passed away right after Thanksgiving.  An aunt's sister died on Thanksgiving Day (November 26) .

I was so tired, for various reasons, that I never even decorated that year.

This year, I wanted to share with my friends at Music Moves Me.   My mother in law, who is 90, had a hospital experience last week that has become the norm for too many of our seniors.  It would be too exhausting to write about now. So we are going through another Blue Christmas.

My writing has become more polished over the years but I am not going to do any editing.  This voice from the past is speaking to me, and I hope its message will help some of my readers.

Here's the post from 2009.

Tis the Season....for Sadness

Happy Holidays!

No, that's not true.

The holidays are not happy for everyone. 

11 years ago December 25.....  Spouse and I were at my in-laws on Christmas Day.  They live about 150 miles from where we live.  We had a nice day with other family members, and settled down to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"  with my mother in law and father in law.  Then we went to bed.

My father in law never woke up.  He died during the night of a massive heart attack, his third.

Imagine my mother in law, spending the day after Christmas arranging for the funeral of her husband of nearly 50 years.    The decisions that had to be made quickly, oh so quickly.  The little things, like flowers being almost impossible to come by (flowers being a part of their culture's funeral tradition).  Or us having to borrow clothes for the funeral-most people don't visit for Christmas with black clothes in their suitcase!  Those little details, in a sea of all the major details, on a holiday weekend.

The family gathered again but this time for a much sadder occasion.  Many people came to the funeral home, and it was a great comfort.  But then everyone had to go home, including us.

And then the next Christmas rolled around.  It was not easy.  But we survived, and each year it became easier.  My mother in law has established her independence, and enjoys Christmas with family.

It never goes away but it does become easier.  Although, I have never watched "It's a Wonderful Life" again.

Years ago I worked with someone whose husband died from cancer on Thanksgiving.  In my youth I couldn't understand why Thanksgiving was so hard for her.

Now I understand.

"Blue Christmas" is more than an Elvis song.  For those who have experienced loss:  loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, loss of a job, the holidays can be so hard to survive, even if you are not a Christian.  Wherever you go, you are surrounded by smiling Santa's, by holiday decorations, by endless carols blaring at work, at the supermarket, at the mall, by constant reminders that everyone is happy.  Except you.

But, you are not alone.  And you will get through it, although it may take a long time.

Time is your friend.  It was for me.  I hope it is for you.

13 comments:

  1. Donna,

    A death around the holidays is hard. In 1980, DH lost both of his grandpas passed away within two weeks of each other beginning around Thanksgiving and through early December. That was really hard on us. A few years back, my maternal grandma passed away two weeks before Christmas. Her wake was on my birthday. I'm always a little blue at Christmas thinking about my brother who died in 2006. I know how much he loved the holidays. Things haven't been the same since my MIL died in 2014, either. So....yeah, it's a hard times to not get blue at Christmas. It makes my heart ache for anyone who suffers with depression and loneliness because not having someone special to share Christmas with is really difficult for these people. I'm saying prayers for everybody in the "Blue Christmas" boat this year and ask for God to bring them to shore safely. Thanks for dancing with the 4M gang today, my friend. Have a joyful and blessed week!

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    1. Alana, You can smack me on the noggin' if you want. I don't know why I called you Donna! Gee, am I losing it or what? 🤪

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  2. My paternal grandmother died before I was born. I know exactly when she died, because my father could never celebrate a Passover Seder without mentioning that his mother died the day before Passover. Even amidst the joy of celebrating with his children and grandchildren, he so keenly felt that loss.

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  3. May your holidays bring you the greatest of joy and cheer. Always.

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  4. I guess today is the day for sad posts. Nicely written. Happy Birthday once again.

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  5. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  6. I'll keep your mother-in-law and all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

    I can empathize. In 1966, Dad was in the hospital and no one could figure out what was wrong with him. They did surgery on Christmas Eve and discovered he had inoperable cancer. Mom did her level best to make it a happy time for us but it was eating her up inside.

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  7. Death is hard anytime of year but during the holidays is always extra difficult. It is really no surprise statically that deaths and heart incidents increase during the holidays. From my years in pharmaceutical sales, it was peak for the drugs I was selling due to over eating, over drinking, over indulging in party festivities, stress and travel.

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  8. A sad but very true post. I've never lost anyone special on a particular holiday that way, but I have had bouts of mild depression from time to time in my life and I can think of a couple of Christmases that coincided and the flood of holiday cheer felt like a drowning.

    Best wishes to you this year!

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  9. My father died on Christmas eve in 1980. I was due to deliver my youngest on the 27th and my parents' anniversary was the 26th. Tragedy at the holiday season is hard on everyone. It takes many years to get back into the routine of celebrating.

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  10. It's never easy to have someone taken from you only to be reminded by a specific holiday that comes around every year without fail. It's tough, but maybe if you could look at it as a time to celebrate their life instead of their death it might help. That's what we do. We always say something about them like something good they did or even funny they did all the time and then speak our feelings and end with a prayer. Just a suggestion. May he rest in peace & may you have peace knowing he's with the Lord. Amen.

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  11. Hi! Here from MMMM. I am so sorry to hear about all your family's troubles during past holidays. It's hard enough to celebrate without them, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose someone close to you during what is supposed to be a time of celebration.

    I love "Blue Christmas". I know it's sad, but the music sounds so catchy and upbeat to me.

    I hope this Christmas is much better for you and your family.

    Kim @ The ReInVintaged Life

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