In 2015, I blogged about the fact that for the first time in many, many years, we would not be having Christmas
with relatives in Yonkers, New York. Earlier that year, due to health and other
issues, we had to move my mother in law up to where we live, and about 150 more
miles (approximately 241 km) away from those relatives.
As my regular readers know, my mother in law passed away the day after Thanksgiving.
At the time I first wrote this blog post in December, 2018, my spouse's last living aunt down in a New York City suburb was getting ready to celebrate her 107th birthday. She lived with her son, who took care of her.
In December, the son, who was in his early 70's, died suddenly. We had last seen him at my mother in law's funeral.
As my regular readers know, my mother in law passed away the day after Thanksgiving.
At the time I first wrote this blog post in December, 2018, my spouse's last living aunt down in a New York City suburb was getting ready to celebrate her 107th birthday. She lived with her son, who took care of her.
In December, the son, who was in his early 70's, died suddenly. We had last seen him at my mother in law's funeral.
Now, my spouse's aunt is gone. She passed away last week, at the age of 107.
When her younger son died, the son who was living with her, there was a niece who lived nearby. She took the aunt in. She had cared for both her parents years ago. Her mother died, in her 90's, from injuries suffered in a fall. Her father took the long road down Dementia Lane. During that journey, the niece was diagnosed with cancer. While being treated, her father's caregivers ended up caring for her, too.
In turn, one of the aides that helped her father (and her) was available for the 107 year old aunt, and became a full time live in aide for the last months of the aunt's life. Eventually, the aunt was deemed eligible for hospice care. But what if that niece hadn't been there? Or if she (who, herself is a senior citizen) hadn't been able to step up?
The path of a caregiver is a hard one. The caregiver doesn't take care of him or herself, sometimes with tragic results.
Late last year, our office of aging reached out to me because I had been unable to attend a "focus group" on what caregivers in our community need. I never answered that email. But, instead of answering their questions directly, perhaps I should just describe what is happening around me. I never did, but now I have another chance.
It scares me. Our social safety net is fraying. Will it rip before my spouse and I reach old age?
Late last year, our office of aging reached out to me because I had been unable to attend a "focus group" on what caregivers in our community need. I never answered that email. But, instead of answering their questions directly, perhaps I should just describe what is happening around me. I never did, but now I have another chance.
It scares me. Our social safety net is fraying. Will it rip before my spouse and I reach old age?
Scares me, too.
ReplyDeleteI believe the safety net has already been destroyed. Especially with the new trick (the only magic TheDonald has) to lower the poverty line threshold to deny benefits to millions more.
ReplyDeleteAlana,
ReplyDeleteI understand your concerns. I wonder the same thing. It’s hard to imagine my children stepping in to care for us when they barely remember to send a text on special occasions but I suppose when we reach that phase in our lives we’ll figure it out together. Taking care if the elderly is very hard work and sometimes 24/7. I often think if something horrible happens to DH then I hope we both go at the same time. That’s rather depressing, i think I need ice cream to cheer me up. Lol
It can be scary. If you don't have family to rely on, what do you do?
ReplyDelete