Monday, August 3, 2015

Aging in Place

For better or worse, June and July are just a memory.

I thank my readers for hanging in during a time of change in my life.  I am not quite done yet.

My spouse and I have been working, the past several weeks (with the help of another family member we couldn't have done it without) on downsizing and moving my elderly mother in law closer to us (right now we are about three hours away from her).  Before the end of the month, we hope she will be up here, in a living situation more suited to her physical condition.

She tried to age in place.  It worked for years but, in the end, she is having to move.

So much has happened in these weeks. My mother in law had heart valve surgery and spent time in ICU and in rehab.  She got a buyer for her house where she has lived for over 50 years.

Lots of suffering.  But also lots of gifts.  In a way, we are too exhausted to appreciate some of these gifts, but one day we will.  I hope that day is soon.  But right now I know one gift I've been given.

We now know which family members will come through in hard times and which will not.  That, in itself, is a gift, but it has also caused me a lot of anger I will not subject my readers to.

There has also been a lot of saying goodbye (not so much for me as for my spouse and some members of his family, my mother in law's next door neighbor and good friends and others.)  I did not grow up in that house.  I did not raise children in that house.

I have so much to blog about, and I just don't have time.

So I will fill the gap with another blogger's thoughts.  Carol Cassara is an excellent writer. 

Recently she wrote a post called "The Gift of Aging In Place".  My mother in law tried to age in place, but her house wasn't right for it, and after a time it just didn't work anymore. 

I hope my mother in law does, one day, so she can know she made the right decision.


  1. While I am so thankful I live in a ranch-style home (for 43 years), I know the day will come when I cannot maintain the outside. I hope my daughter-in-law is as caring for me as you are to your mother-in-law.

  2. Hey Alana- sorry that I haven't visited your blog for a while. I intend to get back on the blogging scene and write more poetry linked to my novel, "The Defeatist."
    -I'm sorry to hear that you're still going through a difficult time, I hope August is easier.

  3. OMGosh, thank you so much for the kind words and link. I do think this is an important message.... your MIL's situation is one that could happen to any of us. Blessings to her and all of you during this transition.

  4. I hope your mother in law is aware all that sacrifice to help help with the move and everything in life. It must be hard on her having to move after living in the same place for so many years.

  5. Change is hard. But after the change, we see how necessary it was. And know how much better things are now.

  6. Glad that your MIL is doing better now and will be in the best place when she is with you!
    These hard times teach and tell a lot of tales to us and good that we get a learning from them..
    Warm wishes to you and your family.. hope everything settles and get more time to yourself :)


  7. Aging brings so many sorrows, most of all the loss of familiarity. Bless you while you undergo this trouble in your lives. We will all face the same thing eventually.

  8. Hi Alana,

    I thought family bonding in its realistic way existed only in India. You might think how silly or ignorant I am. This post of yours made me realize the fact that people in western countries are human too.
    I did read the post of Carol and believe me it is definitely an eye opener and a thought provoking one.

    Thanku for such a wonderful post. I needed this one at this point in my life, as we are planning to buy an apartment for ourselves.


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