The Great Changes

Back in May of 2021, I blogged about my dentist of many years retiring.   

My dentist did retire at the end of summer 2021. I met my new dentist in early 2022, when he had to work on an old filling that needed to be worked on.

Life went on.

When my spouse had his doctors appointment in the fall of 2021, he found out his doctor (also of many years) was retiring at the end of the year.  The doctor was 70, and wanted to spend time with his family, especially his grandchildren. 

Then, not long after I got a letter from my gyn nurse practitioner.  The letter said she was retiring December 5, 2021.  I had my suspicions (my post link above also discussed her possible retirement) but thought I might get more notice.  Earlier this year, I met her replacement.

Of course, these professionals would have retired eventually, but maybe not when they did.  I will never know. 

The most recent retirement was earlier this month - our insurance agent of 36 years.  During that time, she raised a daughter, successfully underwent treatment for cancer, and took good care of us.  Now, her elderly mother has dementia, and she will become a full time caregiver.

We've all read about the "Great Resignation" but there is also the "Great Retirement". I technically wasn't part of the Great Retirement, because I gave my retirement notice before the pandemic arrived in my area, but I was fortunate enough to continue to work (part time) from home after I retired.  Many professionals don't have that luxury.

We are all getting older.  I just passed an age milestone myself.

Not all of us are so fortunate.

So, what next?

Life is all about change, after all.

Back in 2014, I wondered where I would be in 10 years.  How could I have imagined the world of 2022?

None of us could.  We are all making the best of a rapidly changing world.  Who would have thought of a war in Ukraine (and the hardships they face with winter taking hold)? Forces possibly driving our country towards a civil war?  A pandemic?  The illnesses striking us seemingly all at once?

Yet, life goes on.

All we can do is hope for the best, but also take actions we hope will benefit us, our families, and our societies.

And world peace, too.  Yes, that would be nice.

Retirement Thoughts

The other day, I was congratulating a co worker for her promotion, and she asked me, "When are you going to retire?"

I'm technically retired, but started working part time, literally, two days after I retired.  Same employer.  Same job.  And I'm still at it.  Part of the reason was my timing (not the best; I retired in April of 2020) and part of it was, I still liked my job.  I just couldn't do it full time anymore.

I had plans.  Didn't we all?  And then the pandemic came along and upended everything. 

First daylily of 2022 - June 4

I'm fortunate - I'm not outgoing, and my flowers were unaffected by COVID.

I've been fortunate enough to be able to work from home ever since (I was sent home March 19, 2020) and my employer has recently allowed most of its employees (some jobs just require a physical presence, but many don't) to choose full time in office, hybrid, or fully remote.

At this point, for my department, only one of us is in the office, and she sometimes works once a week from home.  The rest of us are fully remote, although a couple of us may be returning on a hybrid basis.  No one has chosen to be in the office 100% of that time.

I should also mention that I'm the only part timer.

Our manager's manager, several months ago, decided to schedule a half hour meeting once a week (on one of the days I work) for the two departments she manages, where we do not talk about work, but rather about ourselves and our lives.

We've been introduced to co-worker dogs,cats, grandchildren, nieces, and even (once) a son in law.

This week, the manager's manager was out, and we got to talk about our working from home.

One person, who is quite outgoing, started out hating it, but she's changed her mind.  Others have loved it from the start.  It's given us flexibility.  One person's two daughters have both had their first babies during the pandemic, and she was able to spend time helping her daughters out, and bonding with the grandbabies.

Another co worker, who lives alone (not counting her pets), talked about how less stressful her life has become.

As for me...no grandbabies.  No cats.  No dogs.  But I can spend my lunch times with my spouse (who retired before I did.)  My commute, once 20-30 minutes each way, is now 30 seconds.

Instead of walking in downtown Binghamton, New York, where I used to walk, I walk in a local park, along a river, and listen to birds.  (OK, I also have to dodge goose droppings, but the streets of Binghamton have their own perils.  Like the remains of the prey of peregrine falcons, which live on top of one of the taller buildings.)

So, back to retirement.  How should I answer that co-worker?

In 2014, I blogged the following:

"Years ago, I used to play The Game of Life with my young son.  This board game has a fascinating history - it was created by Milton Bradley (yes, there was a real Milton Bradley) in 1860.

 In the Game of Life version we played, after high school, you could choose either to go to college or start work immediately.  You chose a profession, got married, had children, did various things, and ended up in one of two retirement villages, depending on how much money you had.

And then, I suppose, you drove into the sunset.  As I recall, that's where the game ended.  You added up your money and other assets and the player who had the most won.

Won.  As if life was a competition.  For some people, of course, it is.  I'm not one of them.

I wonder about retirement, because I know several people around my age, and even younger, who are retired.  Some retired voluntarily.  At least three of them retired to take care of elderly parents and stayed retired when the parents left the planet.  Several retired when their employers, long time employers decided they were not needed anymore...

 I also know several people who retired, with high expectations, and found themselves working again (generally not for the same employers they retired from) within a matter of months.

Guess that sunset wasn't too attractive.  One man was plain bored.  Several discovered they missed income coming in."

In that blog post, I hoped we could do things we loved.

So, retire for good?  Not quite yet.  But I'm thinking.  I'm going to be 70 later this year.  I have cousins older than me that are still working (part time).  But others have taken the plunge.  And there's the issue of inflation.

I'm thinking....  

The Year of Languishing

"One Day at a Time" is not just a TV show.

Is this you?

Some days, I feel like I've been in a foxhole for the past 16 or so months, hiding from the incoming artillery exploding overhead.  The shrapnel never touched me directly, but it hit people I know or the families of people I know, killing several people, and sickening others. At least one took many months to fully recover.

I knew I was fortunate.  I didn't have to go into my office to work (unlike others I knew, who had a job impossible to do from home.)  I'm retired and working part time.  I was able to "shelter in place" and take advantage of senior hours at stores.

Now, the bombardment has stopped.  But is it for good, or just for now?

I wait, and I peek my head above ground.  Is it safe?  I have my shield (aka vaccination) in place.  Shouldn't I be out dancing in celebration and running to embrace my old life, the life that included (sometimes) having people over, working in an office, traveling, occasional eating out, visiting family in other places...all those things we took for granted once upon a time.

I've taken steps out of the foxhole.I've gone to stores I haven't been in since March of 2020. I've been to all our local libraries now and marvel at the changes they had to make. (One remodeled, and got a paint job, and has outside tables - it was amazing.) Yesterday, my spouse and I ate out for the first time - I mean an actual meal, not an ice cream cone or takeout meal.  No, a meal.  With a server waiting on us.  It was outside on a patio, but still.

After the meal (this was a brew pub that was built at our local mall during the pandemic, and it is beautiful) we went into the mall.  For the first time since February.  Just to see what it was like in there now.  

But....

Thinking of travel anywhere jangles my nerves.  It feels like I'm planning a major military campaign.  I've cancelled a day trip to a destination an hour and a half from here.  Twice.  And, at that, much of the route is familiar to me.  Or was, until last March.

Some days, it's hard to focus. I don't seem to have ambition.  I don't check in with people I know, and they aren't checking in with me, either.   It isn't depression (which I am familiar with) - I get great joy from our bird feeder, from my flowers, from perfect lighting for a picture.  

Recently, I found the word for my feelings.  It was made popular by a New York Times article, which I  read a summary of but I think this link (the NY Times is behind a paywall) says it all.

Languishing.  I am languishing.   

Was I the only one languishing?  I know now that, in the midst of the crowds of people seemingly embracing every part of "returning to normal", I'm not the only one languishing.  I'm in good company.

Knowing the name of how I feel makes me feel a lot better.  I know now to be kind to myself. My spouse is kind, too (especially every time I'm hesitant to do something).   One step at a time.  Challenge myself in small ways daily.

That's why we ate lunch out earlier this week, and then we (I was the one who suggested it!) took that walk around the mall.

OK, at least three people I know traveled on planes in the last two weeks (all domestic flights), but I'm not ready for indoor crowds.

Even someone I know who has been on long trips a couple of times admitted to me she has some of the same symptoms as I do.

We are all traumatized in some way.  We will climb out of the foxhole one day and view the light with wonder  Maybe this blog post will become part of a historical record.  I'll reread it years from now, and smile at what my future self has accomplished.

Maybe one day soon...I'll take that hour and a half trip.  It will be wonderful.

Age Is Only a Number

Spouse and I were walking in one of the neighborhoods of Binghamton, New York yesterday when a man walking across the street from us started to wave to us, and motioned us over.

I couldn't place him at first.

"Do you recognize me?" he asked.  "I used to work with you."

It's been almost 25 years since we talked.  I'm not the best with faces or voices but he recognized me right away.

We caught up.

I had to dig back into my memory for some of the questions he asked me.  Then, when I got home, other memories started to flow.

My son, my son who is in his early 30s now, used to head for this man's office when I took him to visit me at work, knowing that a piece of candy awaited him.  How old was my son back then?  Five?  Was my son ever that young?

My co-worker's favorite expressions was "age is only a number".  Today, one of those numbers is "7". He has no intention of retiring, but he was in an accident several months ago and it's been a hard road back. 

Life isn't always kind. In a random moment, everything changed.

That, and, of course, the pandemic.

Despite everything, my ex co-worker says he has no intention of retiring.  If anything, he said enthusiastically, he enjoys his work more than ever, as his understanding of his career field deepens.

This is not the blog post I intended to write today.  I wanted to blog about something I recently heard or read, about the pandemic having provided a kind of reset for many of us.  Each of us has decisions to make, to decide (as we shed pandemic rules) if we want to resume the life we had or embark on a different direction.

Now, I have some new inspiration.

My ex co-worker has made his decision and is working his way towards the day he can resume his career once again.  I'm still pondering my life to come.  This encounter, though, was a reminder that as much as we plan, the unexpected always strikes.  After all, how many of us were changed by 2020?

So, my ex co-worker and I, we went our separate ways, but we may meet again.   He lives on one of my regular exercise walking routes.

I hope he can age with grace.  I hope life gives him that opportunity.

Because, after all, age is only a number.

A Medical Professional Coincidence?

A couple of weeks ago, we got letters from our dentist.  He's retiring this summer.

It wasn't a surprise.  We've been going to him for 30 years.  Actually, that's not totally true.  When we started going to him, he was practicing with his father, whom I saw several times.  He pulled one of my wisdom teeth, in fact.  But, for many years it was just been the son in the practice, who I figure is about my age.

Kind of makes me feel a bit old.

That's what happens, sometimes, when you get to be "my age" (late 60's). People retire. I get that.  But when a medical professional you like gets ready to retire, it's traumatic.   You know them.  They know you.  You don't know how a new person would work out.

Last year, my sole practitioner dentist and his staff merged with a multiple dentist practice, leaving the office they had inhabited for many years.  It must have been traumatic for them, too.

Now, I have to make a decision:  stay (I've never met any of the other dentists) or seek a different practice.

I thought about it some more, and realize I'm going to be facing the medical retirement situation more than once in the coming years.  I've seen the same primary care practitioner for nearly 25 years.  I've seen the same nurse practitioner at my OB/GYN's practice for about the same amount of time.    Both of them are in, I would estimate, late middle age.

My nurse practitioner has been working part time since last year.  I figured it might have been due to COVID but maybe not.

So, just out of curiosity, I went to my OB/GYN's website to review their current staff, and got a surprise. 

Besides "my" nurse practitioner, there are two others.  I know of one of them - I had seen her once, years ago, when I had an urgent situation and my nurse practitioner had the day off.

It seems the practice "recently" (not knowing when the website was last updated) hired a new practitioner, who has four years experience in a primary practice.  I'll bet she's relatively young based on her picture.  Her last name brought back a memory, although it is a somewhat common name.

When I went into labor with my one child, over 30 years ago now, my OB was off, and the OB on duty responded when it was time.  She (yes, a woman) arrived  in my hospital room with - I assume - her daughter.  This young girl, I would estimate (in the midst of labor, I have no idea how accurate my impressions were!), was perhaps seven years old.

It was quickly obvious that this wasn't the child's first labor and delivery experience.  The doctor patiently explained my status (I was a high risk pregnancy) to the young girl.

The doctor who delivered my baby had the same last name as the new nurse practitioner.

Could it be the young girl, now grown, from my labor and delivery?  Or is it coincidence?

I wonder.

Now I really feel old.

And Then Into the Unknown

Whoever would have thought?

I'm fortunate to work in a good department at a good company, and we are a kind of support system to each other.  All of us are at an age where we've already gone through caring through aging parents and in laws and are past that (due to the inevitable) , or are facing those challenges right now.  It's been stressful these last few months as we worked on a large project that had to be completed by year's end, but we are near the end, and can share some good laughs now and again.

I've privileged to still be here, agonizing about my life.

But now, nature has intervened in ways we could not have dreamed of on New Year's Eve.

Earlier this year, I announced my retirement to my company.  The date is mid April. I would have my last day, eat some cake, get a gift (hopefully), wave goodbye and head off into the sunset.  Not entirely, because I was going back to work, but part time only. 

That was while COVID-19 was still a faraway thing, happening to other people

Now, COVID-19 is happening to everyone.  And, effective Friday, I am working from home. For how long, I don't know.  I'm an introvert, but I think it's still going to be a lonely experience. The socialization is part of why I had made the decision to go part time (retiring first) to begin with.  Now I have to learn a whole new way of working.  I'm not greatly technological, either.  Fortunately, I have a son who is.

I am not a health care worker, a supermarket employee, a pharmacy employee.  I am fortunate.  Some of my cousins are thick in the fight - one is an emergency room doctor; one is a non medical staff member in a hospital.  Still another works in a retail store which is remaining open.  Others are teachers, with their classrooms closed, learning to teach remotely from home.

All this time, I've seen what is happening around me.  Each day, we awaken to a brand new world.  Already, downtown Binghamton, New York (where I work) was emptying out. Already, restaurants are only allowed to do takeout and must close by 8pm.  Most of our local communities have declared states of emergency. The City of Binghamton and some others have a curfew. Now, our downtown department store is closing until the end of March.

More and more retail stores are closing.  Some. like JC Penney (closed yesterday, until April 2), say it is temporary but I know not all these icons will survive.

Some employers are being decent - like Home Depot.  One of my cousins works for them.

My spouse and I own our home, but many others have to pay rent, and how do you do that when you have no job?   So I have little to complain about except, perhaps, for some bad timing.

I don't think it takes much vision to see that our world will change in ways we can't quite foresee yet.  And those who are high risk, like me, wonder what we will have to go through to see it.

I could joke that it's all because I decided to retire.  What a way to start....

No, not really.  But you know what?  It's time for me to join in and provide comfort in even a small way, through photography and music. We are marching into the unknown, but today, let's take music as our companion.

Let's chillax with the Dropkick Murphy's and their St. Patrick's Day concert, live from Boston, completely on line.  After all, today (near midnight) spring begins.

And then - into the unknown we march.

Wake Me Up Before I No-Go

Yesterday, several of my mother in law's relatives and a former neighbor drove about 150 miles (255 km) to visit the area where I live.  Until last August, my mother in law had lived her entire life in the suburbs of New York City.  Now, she is some 150 miles away from her lifetime home, and a lot of people downstate miss her.

Yesterday's visitors range in age from 70 to 83.  My mother in law is in her late 80's.  My spouse and I haven't quite hit 65, but we are heading towards those mid 60's.  So we were the young ones of the group, except for when our grown son joined us for dinner.

I could see the differences even five or ten years could make.  I don't usually like to make generalizations, but there were differences - not in attitude, not in the ability to enjoy life with a great attitude, but with energy level and health.  One person who was supposed to come had to cancel out earlier in the week, because it wasn't going to happen for her.  And then a second person cancelled because the first person cancelled.  The rest of us were a mixed group - cancer survivors, people with other health conditions, people of varying physical abilities.  For one person, getting out of a chair without assistance was an accomplishment.  She couldn't have done it a year ago.

It reminded me of something I read recently in an article about retirement planning.  There were stages of retirement, this article claimed, and spending patterns would change the older you got.

It seems that some retirement planners divide the retirement years into three "eras":
Go-go (on the go all or most of the time) lots of travel, activities, and so forth.
Slow-go (slowing down)
No-go (self explanatory) not only not traveling, but needing assistance to do what you could once do yourself.

There is some truth to this, but I think it is different for everyone.  For example, the 83 year old in the group lives by herself in her home of over 50 years.  She flies out from her home in a New York City suburb to visit a daughter and her family in California several times a year.  In fact, she's making that trip in August, despite having had some surgery earlier in the year.

Meanwhile, I can't tell you the last time I was on a plane.  Oh wait, yes I can.  It was in July of 1996.

**Ahem**.

While we make car trips each year, the maximum hours in transit we will tolerate without a lot of discomfort seems to shrink yearly.  And it isn't just long trips of hundreds of miles. Other trips we would have considered in our 20's on a day trip (mileage wise) now have morphed into overnights.

In the go-go years, the planners say, you should plan financially for a lot of travel and/or activities.  And then those expenses trend down as you age, while health expenses trend up.  And up.  And, you lose the ability to do things you once could without assistance.  And that assistance costs money.  A lot of money.

Again, this fade away may or may not happen to either me or my spouse.   But, we really don't want to assume that we are going to fade away in the sunset, going through go-go, slow go and no-go, just because a financial planner tells us that is how we should plan our Golden Years.

But, there is some need to try to plan for the unexpected.  I've, sadly, known too many people with cancer diagnoses in the recent past. I doubt that was in their plans.  But perhaps it is better not to try to plan for that, and take it as it comes.

All the more reason why we should go-go (in my humble opinion) while we can, for as long as we can, and enjoy every day of the ride.  And wake up with gratitude that another day of still go-going has been granted us.

What do you think?  Or, have you thought about it yet?

Is It Time to Retire?

Yesterday, I was informed, via Facebook, that someone I went to high school with is retiring later this month.  Mind you, she was not in my graduating class.

She was in the class behind me.

In July, I found out (via Facebook) that someone I had worked with for years, at a job we both left years ago, was retiring at the beginning of October.  At least she is older than me.  But still.

Sometimes, it seems that everyone I know is retired, or has announced the date of future retirement. This has been going on for some five years (or more) now.

But, I hadn't felt envy for my retiring friends, because I plan to work for a few more years (I'm 62).  That was true until yesterday, when envy pinched me in the behind.

Ouch.

I know I'm not ready to retire yet, although I may change my mind about readiness next February when I have to leave that warm, warm, house for that cold, cold outside, and there is a -30F windchill and a fresh coating of ice and snow on the ground.   I normally keep my blogging and my professional lives separated, but today I can't resist thinking about the R word.

There is a kind of retirement peer pressure in my age group.  In a way, this feeling brings back memories from long ago - the memories of your friends getting that precious engagement ring while your ring finger was bare. It doesn't take much, sometimes, to bring you back to when you were 19 years old.  I did grow up in the 50's and 60's, when there were "certain expectations".  Getting married was one.  Working for over 40 years outside the home wasn't.  I managed to do both.

So, for a moment, let me return to when I was 19 years old, when the world seemed wide open, when possibilities seemed endless, and when...no, it was also a time when I felt so insecure, when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I had no confidence in myself whatsoever. 

Suddenly, it is 43 years later.

In some ways, retirement is the last opportunity for a do-over in life. 

Retirement is time to take your hard earned skills and experience and give back to the world, while you travel, or garden, or crochet, or learn photography, or do those things you never had time for when establishing your career, or raising children, or caregiving for others, or whatever life has pushed your way.

The funny thing is, for all the people I know who have retired, I've seen a few retirement fails.  I've seen people regret retiring before their last paycheck arrived in their bank accounts - among them a former manager, who is now working again in the industry he retired from.

I've seen people have to go back to work, and end up in jobs that put food on the tabe, but didn't add to their enjoyment of life.

I've seen more than one person suffer health problems right after retirement, and not be able to do what they had planned to do.  I know people with cancer.  I know people with diabetes.  Those ailments certainly weren't in their plans.

So why is envy pinching at me?

Because I'm afraid of missing out on something?  Is there a secret club everyone (it seems) I knew from years ago is joining?  Except me?  Or is it because people I know are losing parents, and even brothers or sisters?  Is it because I feel my mortality breathing down my neck?

No, I'm not going to retire tomorrow.  At least, not this September. But perhaps it is start to look at the retirement catalogs and challenge myself just a little.

Join me this month in the September Blogging Challenge hosted by Everyday Gyaan.

Where Do You Want to Be In Ten Years?

Retirement.

Is it the end of the road?

Years ago, I used to play The Game of Life with my young son.  This board game has a fascinating history - it was created by Milton Bradley (yes, there was a real Milton Bradley) in 1860.

 In the Game of Life version we played, after high school, you could choose either to go to college or start work immediately.  You chose a profession, got married, had children, did various things, and ended up in one of two retirement villages, depending on how much money you had.

And then, I suppose, you drove into the sunset.  As I recall, that's where the game ended.  You added up your money and other assets and the player who had the most won.

Won.  As if life was a competition.  For some people, of course, it is.  I'm not one of them.
 
For many people reading this blog, retirement may be years away.   But today's NaBloPoMo's prompt is "What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?"  Retirement came immediately to mind.  My spouse and I are both in our early 60's. We hope we can be retired by the time we are in our early 70's.

Yesterday, I asked my spouse where he would like to be in 10 years, and he responded "on this planet".

My spouse is a man of few words.

As for me, I wonder about retirement, because I know several people around my age, and even younger, who are retired.  Some retired voluntarily.  At least three of them retired to take care of elderly parents and stayed retired when the parents left the planet.  Several retired when their employers, long time employers decided they were not needed anymore.

Some had no choice about what they were going to do once retired (the caregivers).  Others had no time to think of it before it happened.  But I also know several people who retired, with high expectations, and found themselves working again (generally not for the same employers they retired from) within a matter of months.

Guess that sunset wasn't too attractive.  One man was plain bored.  Several discovered they missed income coming in.

So I wonder:  if I want to be retired in 10 years, what for me, makes a successful retirement?

Astilbe, My Back Yard, late June 2014

I would need to do something with purpose, I know that.
Retirement has to be more than growing flowers.

Community Garden, Otsiningo Park, early June 2014

My spouse wants to garden, but the growing season here in upstate New York is barely six months long.  There is an interest he's passionate about, and I suspect he will engage in that. (And no, it's not golf.)

Motel, Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina

After that, what?  Travel?  We don't have enough money for non stop travel.  But we hope to have the health, and physical ability, to travel.

After working for so much of our lives, so much of our identities, and our interactions with others, is work place related.  So we must make sure these needs are taken care of.  Retirement planning is a lot more than making sure you have enough money.

So, the short answer: doing things we love to do.  Maybe even, still blogging, if blogging still exists.

Where do you want to be in 10 years?