Gone But Still Alive Online

Yesterday, I went on LinkedIn, and saw a request to celebrate someone's work anniversary.  There was only one problem - that someone had died in May after a short illness. I don't know if it was COVID-19 related but it really doesn't matter.  I was her friend "IRL" (in real life) and on Facebook and that's how I knew she had passed.  In fact, I found out via a message her sister had posted.

From reading several posts, I quickly realized some of the people who had wished her a happy anniversary had no idea that she (let's call her "X") was no longer around to read their congratulations.  Her employer had posted a "We miss you, X" message but I have a feeling, due to privacy concerns, they could not reveal that "X" was deceased.

In December of 2012 I blogged the below.  Some things don't change.  The post follows, with some edits.

"When I came home from work tonight, I found a post on Facebook from a cousin who graduated from a local college last year.  She was mourning the death of a fellow classmate.    In other words, my cousin was announcing the death of someone who died - as we older people like to say - too soon.

I don't know how this young woman died, but a quick look online revealed two things.

First, I was a third degree connection of hers on LinkedIn.  The person linking us used to work with me and now works at the college she intended.

Second, my cousin was her friend on Facebook, meaning she was a friend of a friend of mine.

Because of these connections, I was able to see her picture on LinkedIn, and was able to view her timeline on Facebook. (Least this sound creepy, I didn't linger long- I just wanted to know something about this person who meant something to one of my cousins and who was linked to me through social media.) Meantime, her college has organized a candlelight vigil for her in physical life.

I can mourn the untimely passing of someone I never knew thanks to social media.

When I graduated from high school, many of those in my graduating class went on to college.  Two members of my class died within a year, both on the same weekend, in unrelated car accidents.

I didn't find out about this (because I didn't know either individual) for many years later. I went to an urban high school in New York City, and there were a lot of people in my graduating class.

Now, we know something like this in hours."

In a way, "Q" will live forever through her social networking accounts. But it may not be the way she wanted.

It (again) made me think what I should do about my own accounts.  Facebook does provide a way to appoint a "legacy contact". 

For LinkedIn, it is more complex, and your contact might actually have to violate their terms of service, which seems ridiculous.

Have you made these plans?

Why I Am Probably Not Inviting You to My LinkedIn Network

Many of us have accepted some loss of privacy as the price of being on the wonderful, wonderful, Internet.


I belong to LinkedIn, in my work career life.  LinkedIn  is a social network for the business community.

My preference is to keep my business and my blogging life totally separate.  I do not, in fact, normally accept invites from other bloggers who are not in my career field, because I do not earn my living by blogging or writing. (Come to think of it, that is worth a post of its own.)  Nor do I network with people on LinkedIn unless I know them personally, or know of them by reputation.  Even if I know them personally as friends (true friends, not Facebook friends), I also need to know something about their professional lives, and will not "endorse" them unless I am certain of what they do, and how well they do it.

LinkedIn has a feature by which you can ask them to use your email address to find out people you may know on LinkedIn.  So far, I have chosen not to use that feature.

Which is why I was surprised to find an email from LinkedIn suggesting I might want to make networking contacts with some people.  That in itself didn't surprise me; I get those emails from time to time. What did surprise me was the people the LinkedIn email suggested.

The people they suggested are people whose email addresses I have - but not because of my work life.  No, these are contacts from my caregiving life.  A man at the VA (Veterans Administration) I've spoken to a couple of times, and emailed a document to once.  A woman who has done some work for my family, which included me needing to email her.  A couple of more people that, again, I have no professional associations with.  I only had their emails because I needed to communicate with them by email for them to complete a service.

And, oh yes, one of my cousins.  A cousin who is 40 years younger than me and, again, in a totally different career field than I am.

One person may have been a coincidence.  Maybe some people I know in my professional life have one such person in their network.  But several, listed all at once?  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  It looks like LinkedIn has decided it will go through my address book, after all, although I never knowingly gave my consent.

I didn't like it.  But, if I want to stay on LinkedIn, I am going to have to live with it.

And, if you do invite me to network on LinkedIn, please know why I may not.  I don't know if I am being too picky, but I feel this is what I need to do.

If you are on LinkedIn (I promise I won't try to contact you), have you had similar experiences?  Do you welcome anyone to link with you?  Or, do you use certain criteria?