In 2015, I blogged about the fact that for the first time in many, many years, we would not be having Christmas
with relatives in Yonkers, New York. Earlier that year, due to health and other
issues, we had to move my mother in law up to where we live, and about 150 more
miles (approximately 241 km) away from those relatives.
As my regular readers know, my mother in law passed away the day after Thanksgiving, 2018.
At the time I first wrote this blog post in December, 2018, my spouse's last living aunt down in a New York City suburb was getting ready to celebrate her 107th birthday. She lived with her son, who took care of her.
In December, the son, who was in his early 70's, died suddenly. We had last seen him at my mother in law's funeral.
As my regular readers know, my mother in law passed away the day after Thanksgiving, 2018.
At the time I first wrote this blog post in December, 2018, my spouse's last living aunt down in a New York City suburb was getting ready to celebrate her 107th birthday. She lived with her son, who took care of her.
In December, the son, who was in his early 70's, died suddenly. We had last seen him at my mother in law's funeral.
Now, my spouse's aunt is gone. She passed away last year, at the age of 107.
When her younger son died, the son who
was living with her, there was a niece who lived nearby. She took the
aunt in. She had cared for both her parents years ago. Her mother
died, in her 90's, from injuries suffered in a fall. Her father took
the long road down Dementia Lane. During that journey, the niece was
diagnosed with cancer. While being treated, her father's caregivers
ended up caring for her, too.
In turn, one of the aides that helped
her father (and her) was available for the 107 year old aunt, and became
a full time live in aide for the last months of the aunt's life.
Eventually, the aunt was deemed eligible for hospice care, remaining in the niece's home until her death.. But what if
that niece hadn't been there? Or if she (who, herself is a senior
citizen) hadn't been able to step up?
The path of a caregiver is a hard one. The caregiver doesn't take care of him or herself, sometimes with tragic results.
Late last year, our office of aging reached out to me because I had been unable to attend a "focus group" on what caregivers in our community need. I never answered that email. But, instead of answering their questions directly, perhaps I should just describe what is happening around me. I never did, but now I have another chance.
It scares me. Our social safety net is fraying. Will it rip before my spouse and I reach old age?
Late last year, our office of aging reached out to me because I had been unable to attend a "focus group" on what caregivers in our community need. I never answered that email. But, instead of answering their questions directly, perhaps I should just describe what is happening around me. I never did, but now I have another chance.
It scares me. Our social safety net is fraying. Will it rip before my spouse and I reach old age?
That’s the problem. In the times idealized by conservatives, families lived together, and there was always someone to care for elderly relatives. Now we are a more mobile society, families separated by miles. And people are generally living longer. Our safety nets are shrinking. It’s scary.
ReplyDeleteI think with the Boomer population reaching that age, something is going to have to get fixed. I see things rebounding, hopefully soon.
ReplyDeleteI see more and more young couples opting out of having children and I wonder if that will have an impact on our and their old age social nets. What if there simply aren’t any people to work as the care givers needed when we reach those times?
ReplyDelete