This is a reworking of a post from 2018, because it's become relevant once more.
Why am I feeling so out-of-the-loop again?
It's a strange thing. I have always been introverted, although I do
enjoy the company of a select few people. I've been happy with that. I admit, for the most part, I enjoy interacting with people on social media. A lot of my
introvert nature melts away online. But just try to call me (one reader
did, many years ago) and you will see a woman in her 60's in panic
mode. (No, she wasn't stalking me - rather, I had posed a health
question, and she was just trying to be helpful. But I wasn't ready
for it. Fortunately, I wasn't home, my answering machine picked it up,
and I never did call her back).
But about that
out of the loop feeling: I guess I've recovered enough from the pandemic to feel it again.
A photo is what started it off back in 2018.
People at work were talking about a photo a co worker had taken. It was
quite a photo (dare I say "epic"?), and he had posted it on Facebook.
That's where my co workers saw it. Lots of co workers saw it. Turns
out that there is a whole world of my co workers interacting on Facebook
with each other in their personal time. I'll mention here that we are
not permitted access to Facebook (or any social media other than
LinkedIn) on our work computers, so this is all on our own time.
I've maintained a policy of not friending co workers on Facebook. OK, I
have one co worker friend on Facebook, but we've been friends outside
of work for years. I've heard of bad stuff happening when you friend
co-workers on social media. It happened at my spouse's job while he was still working (not him
personally, because he isn't even active on Facebook) where some co
workers/Facebook friends ended up in a fight about something work
related that got back to management, and someone ended up getting
fired.
But back to that photo. For the first time in a long time, I felt out
of the loop, like I was missing out on something. I actually felt lonely, especially after someone took pity on me, whipped out their phone, opened Facebook and showed me the photo.
So that's how I found out just how many people at work were interacting with each other on Facebook.
I'm not native to this area, and it could be these people went to high
school with each other, or had each other as neighbors, or are even
related to each other (and we do have siblings and in laws and even parents/grown children working for my company). But maybe there is no outside work connection outside of
Facebook. I have no idea.
Now, some three years after I blogged about this dilemma, I'm thinking about it again, because of a chance remark a co-worker made at a recent weekly departmental meeting. Here it was again: people "friends" online and I'm not part of it.
I haven't even seen most of my co workers (except for a couple of chance encounters on a local walking trail and a couple of drive through events) since March 19, 2020. Many of us are still working from home. Web cams aren't the same.
That work from home thing is going to change soon (and has changed already for many), but other things have changed in the meantime.
Me and my work status, for one.
I retired last year but went right back to work. I retired during the COVID lockdown, and I craved both something worthwhile to do and continued contact with my co workers. Working part time was a good solution. I've never regretted signing up for it.
I don't know how much longer I will continue to delay travel to places I want to go, but I will.
But I know I will be "there" one day. I also know (or hope) I won't work forever.
Then what? Will Facebook help me stay in touch with people I worked with for years? I've seen (all too well) what happens when you retire. You lose touch. On the other hand, sometimes, via social media, you find out more about people you thought you knew than you ever want to know. That seems to be more and more true nowadays.
So: on the day I retire for good, what will I do? Will I head for Facebook? Or will I try to keep in touch the old fashioned way?
I wonder.
Has this ever been an issue for you?
I would do both. As long as you don't say anything controversial on FB (and you don't from what I see), there's no problem with co-workers seeing what you post. And you can always stay friends and unfollow anyone you "friend" but don't want to see all of their posts. Those you're closest too, the IRL relationship is always the way to go for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't post controversial posts on FB. There is another social media site where I feel comfortable doing that. To me, Facebook got so toxic when people were getting so political and judgemental that I seriously thought of unfriending people I've known, in real life, for many years. Now it seems some of that has subsided. I hope so.
Delete...FB ain't for me!
ReplyDeleteDon't blame you, Tom, a number of people I know "in real life" feel that same way.
DeleteI have never been on Facebook and closed my Twitter account. The retirees from my company have a Facebook page, consequently I have little knowledge of what is going on unless someone calls me. And that suits me just fine. Despite a 20+ year career in politics, I too am an introvert. Folks think I am a snob, but I do not need to know everything that goes on in my friends' lives.
ReplyDeleteIf retirees of my company have a Facebook page, I don't know about it. I am an introvert. Very much so.
DeleteFacebook became "big" when I was at AIG. I became Facebook friends with a lot of my coworkers. The good part is, I am still in touch with those people, even though very few of us still work for AIG. The down side? I once posted something on Facebook that was shared with a coworker who was not on my friends list, and it was misinterpreted. You don't know which of your coworkers is friends with someone you don't want to include as a friend.
ReplyDeleteMy company does not encourage co workers to connect on Facebook (and I think there's some wisdom in that). We are encouraged to use LinkedIn, and it keeps things somewhat on a professional level.
DeleteI was only on Facebook for a very short time when it first became popular. I didn't like it at all and shut my account down within weeks. I was always out of the loop at work too, but it didn't bother me. It wasn't necessarily a loop I wanted to be in.
ReplyDeleteAfter retiring a group of my closest work friends got together once a month for the first few months and then seemed things would always come up and we only got together a few times here and there. I have since lost touch with all but one of them and we aren't nearly as close as we used to be anymore.
To be honest because I'm an introvert and a homebody it doesn't bother me in the least. I have my lifelong best friend, my family, and my blog friends. That's pretty perfect in my book. :)
I'm an introvert and a homebody, too. But I've seen, as some of my friends (including my childhood best friend) have passed on, that I need to expand my acquaintances. COVID really made that obvious, when we didn't even dare visit other people. I find, although I'm introverted, that I am much more extroverted online. I'm not sure why that is, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one experiencing that.
DeleteI can't offer any words of wisdom, just that I can relate as an introvertish kind of person. I joined FB to reconnect with old schoolfriends and it has been great for that. However, once the contacts were established, most of us kept in touch the old fashioned way. More rewarding and more private imho.
ReplyDeleteKind of amazing here how many of my readers are introverts. From one introvert to another, I would say, I would agree that Facebook is not private and "in real life" type interactions are so much better. I've seen so many retirees, though, lose touch with people they enjoyed interacting with at work.
DeleteI like Facebook and it CAN be a great way to stay in touch. The best part about it is that you control it. You can unfriend if you need to or just 'get the heck out of Dodge'!
ReplyDeleteI watched Husby disconnect with his co-workers after he retired. Women who quite literally cried when he left and begged him to stay in touch.
He didn't.
So they didn't.
I still think if he'd been on Facebook (as they all are) he wouldn't be missing them now...
Ah, regret is always 20-20! But how could he have known? And how could anyone have known about COVID, which may have contributed to some of that regret? I'm so happy I wrote this post, although I still don't know what I will do when the time comes.
DeleteBeing out of the loop sucks. I am barely on FB. I remain because it's the only way I see what my SIL is up to.
ReplyDeleteBut, why don't you create a "work" FB? Create a separate profile that you only friend work friends on. Then you can see what's going on, and all of your posts can be to your work peeps. Of course, that's a lot of work, especially if you're not all that into FB. And I bet not everyone at work is on FB. So, it just depends on how left out you feel and how much it bothers you.
Liz, it's a good thought but, unfortunately, having more than one personal account is against the Facebook terms of service (that's been true in the past and I think it's still true.) I, too,remain on Facebook partially because it's about the only way I communicate with several people/see what's going on in their lives.
DeleteAlana,
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for not friending co-workers. It can be potential turn into something uncomfortable should there be a falling out between parties. People don't play fair these days, either. When I left work in 1988. I tried to keep in touch with co-workers and I was successful for a few years but then as things happen raising my family took priority. I eventually lost touch with everyone. I think I have a few co-worker buds who may be on Facebook but I'm not actively on there anymore. Unlike you, I was more of extrovert but I have grown to be more of an introvert being home all the time and then I've allowed technology keep me from calling friends. All you can do is your best to stay in touch with others but I'm sure you'll make new friends after you retire. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You always have your bloggy buds to keep you company and you can always call me. That way we can help each other from becoming too much of an introvert. :)
I have never had any work friends on Facebook, mainly because I didn't have any work friends, lol :) By the time Facebook came to be, I was working at home for a national medical transcription company and there was no interaction between any employees other than your supervisor (it was designed that way to keep you isolated so you wouldn't know what was going on in the company). Then since I lost my job there, I've been working temp jobs and didn't really connect for friendships there. But I have learned over the years that despite people's best intents to want to stay in touch after someone moves or changes jobs or retires, it rarely happens unless the friendship really is a deep one. So I'm no help with what you are pondering. Good luck with what you decide to do!
ReplyDeletebetty