A New Blue Christmas

Every year, it's become a holiday tradition on my blog to rerun a post from 2009 about Blue Christmases.  This year, I' not going to do it.  Instead, I am going to write a new post from scratch.

Many of us enjoy the December holiday of our faith or ethnic heritage, be it Christmas, Hanukkah, or something else.  But that feeling of joy isn't universal.

I've been there (more than once) but I haven't had it rough the way many in our world are having it now.

War.  Famine.  Fear of persecution.  Involuntary separation from family.  Sickness (COVID is on the rise here in the United States, along with the more traditional flu and RSV).  Death. Gun violence. Weather.  It's a long list.

There are the people in several communities in Tennessee who experienced tornadoes the other day.

There are the people in Texas, in Las Vegas, in Maine, and in many other places, who are suffering due to mass shootings these past months.  It's become an everyday occurrence.

Someone I work with lost his mother a couple of weeks ago.  Another person lost his father.

But they are supposed to be happy? Really?

At least in the United States, Christmas is everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.  It starts in August.

It's in full swing now.

Maybe you wonder why you didn't have the strength to decorate this year.  Or you wondered if you dared put out outdoor displays proving you were an "other":  not a member of the dominant faith. Or you are sick of the whole package.  You want out.

I'm here to say "Don't feel ashamed.  Don't question your feelings.  Don't put yourself down." 

I remember the year my father in law went to bed on Christmas night (we were there visiting and staying overnight) and was no longer with us the following morning.  We spent the day after Christmas planning his funeral and notifying family and friends.

I remember when my mother in law died the day after Thanksgiving, five years ago.  I so didn't want to be around Christmas.   My spouse, my grown son and visited relatives in New York City.  We didn't go into Manhattan. We didn't see the Rockefeller Center tree.  We didn't look at the decorated store windows in Midtown.   We avoided Christmas all we could.  On Christmas Day we went to a movie and then to a kosher deli for dinner.

That's what I needed and I'm grateful I had family to make it happen.

It has been said many times, many ways, that "Blue Christmas" is more than an Elvis song.  For those who have experienced loss:  loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, loss of a job, loss of feelings of safety, the month of December is hard.  Wherever you go in these United States, you are surrounded by smiling Santas, by holiday decorations. There are endless carols blaring at work, at the supermarket, at the mall, all hinting that everyone is happy.  Except you.

It's OK to feel that way.   I can guarantee you are not alone, both in the secular world and the religious world.

 Several Christian denominations commemorate Blue Christmas with a special service on the day of the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. These services recognize the grief and pain of those attending the services.  These services may be opened to those of all faiths or no faiths.  Other religions (such as Judaism) have their ways of recognizing this sadness, too.

I hope you find something to help you through the hard times.  And I hope that, eventually, things will get better for you.