Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dancing with the Pinched Nerve

Am at home recovering from a wisdom tooth extraction which followed a 6 week odyssey of jaw pain, ear pain, and two infections.  It's been character building.  I've also been fighting a pinched nerve affecting my lower leg so I may have an opportunity to blog about my first experience next week with physical therapy.  In the meantime...

I've had a fantasy for a while about appearing on "Dancing with the Stars".  Now, it's more attractive than ever.

The pain in my mouth, my gimpy right leg, my belly fat, are forgotten, as I take the dance floor in a sparkling costume only partially covering my spray-tanned toned body. (Hah!) I glide across the floor in high heels (I haven't been able to get my right shoe on without help in about 10 days) as the dance music begins.  The famous author, AM, (not) is the "wild card" every season features, the older person who has never danced a minute in his/her life but is now trying to impress the judges and stay on another week.   Will AM go down the path of almost every "senior" on the show-funny, entertaining, but ultimately voted off?

No problem for limber AM, who completes the complex (tango? paso doble?  quickstep?) routine without missing a step.  Or grimacing in pain.

The crowd comes to its feet.

The girl who was never picked for the punchball, curbball or softball game gets 9's and 10's, as Mary Murphy puts me on her Hot Tamale Train...(oops, wrong dance show.  I definitely Know I Can't Dance) OK, AM beams as Len Goodman says he had doubts about me but now he must admit there really is talent in there somewhere.

The fact that AM could even learn a routine without forgetting any of the steps, never mind two routines for one show, would be daunting enough.  But that's the fun of fantasy.  In real life, I have no chance of appearing in that show.  But who cares?  One day I will get that **** right shoe on without pain, and that will be a triumph.

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