Manicotti and New Beginnings

We never thought it would end this way.

But we also have hope for a new beginning.

Last week, I blogged about my in law's traditional family Christmas.  We would all travel downstate, some 190 miles (305 km) to a city near New York City, and visit my mother in law's in laws.    Not too many of them are left - my spouse's aunt who will be 104 early next week, the son she lives with, and another of my spouse's cousins who lives in the same neighborhood.

We can't come this year.  My mother in law, in her late 80's and home bound, can't travel far.  The 103 year old aunt, can't, either.  She is basically home bound, too.

The "other relative" has hosted the dinner for years.  Even during her two bouts with breast cancer, she insisted on hosting.  She made her specialty.  She told me she timed it around her bouts of tiredness and other side effects of the medication she was taking.

Tradition.

"I am not an accomplished cook." she told me once.  "But all you need to do is learn to make one dish, and make it well.  Make it better than anyone".  And so, she developed her specialty.

Manicotti.  The kind of manicotti that is pronounced "mon-i-gaut" (accent on the final syllable). Perish the thought anyone in that family would ever pronounce it "man-i-cotti".

I hate the lighting in my house sometimes - gives everything a yellowish cast.

No, manicotti is not the stuff served in pasta tubes in some clueless Italian restaurants (and you know which ones they are).  No.  Monicottis start with light as air crepes, each painstakingly cooked by hand, spread out.  Then they are filled with a pillowy mixture of ricotta, mozzarella, eggs, parsley, and love. Covered in homemade tomato sauce simmered with meatballs and Italian sausage, they are a dish worthy of Christmas dinner.

The thought of missing her manicotti hurt us almost as much as the fact that we would not see their maker or the other family.

So I begged my spouse to call, and get the recipe from her.

I didn't know if she would reveal the recipe. But she likes us.  After some hesitation, she gave the recipe to us  She emailed it to us.  But first, she cautioned that my spouse (the family cook) really had no business making it.  Perhaps she would come up and visit us, one day next year.

And no, we can't reveal it.  But we can show the result.

My spouse promised he would not embarrass the family.

He cooked the crepes.

He mixed the ricotta filling.

He assembled the manicotti.

Tomorrow, surrounded by our small family up here (me, my spouse, my son, my mother in law and a brother in law) we will eat this product of love.

Yes.  It will be a new beginning.

Winter Wonders - Melted Santas and Chill Hours

Everything is so confusing, in this strange first week of winter in the eastern United States.

Lawns across our area of upstate New York are normally either buried under snow, or temporarily showing their brown, dormant, color.

We should be having snow squalls like this. And actually, on Saturday, we did.  I took this picture about 12:30 pm Saturday, when I was out shopping.

But now this is our forecast for tomorrow (that's 20 C). 

The five day forecast.  The one concern here is all the rain - which, normally, would have been snow, because with trees dormant, the ground can't soak up rain the way it usually can.

But no snow for us, except perhaps for Monday.

Instead, we have a new phenomenon - melted Santas.  On green lawns.  Some of which have been recently mowed.

Meanwhile, one of my spring blooming Lenten Roses has flower buds.  Taken in the dark, I hope to see a better show, in the light, on Christmas Day.

This isn't all good, though, as much as snow and ice hating me is loving it.  After the last two harsh winters, I think to myself, we deserve this.

Not so fast.  "Be careful what you wish for", a small voice in my head tells me.

My spouse said to me, while driving the other night, "what if it NEVER gets really cold this winter?"  He's right.  The thought gives me...excuse the expression...chills.

We grow a nice apple crop in this area.  Apple trees need chilling.

Our area maple syrup crop will fail without the right combination of warmth and coldness in the early spring.

There is a concept known as "chill hours".  It has nothing to do with chillin' around the grill.

Rather, chill hours refers to the need of many plants grown in the North to go dormant for a certain amount of time.  Not only that, but if there is a sudden late frost, the plants will get confused at best, and not be able to adapt at worst.  Apples need just about the most chill hours of any plant, although there are low chill apple varieties.

We need snow cover, too.

In other words, plants where I live in the Southern Tier of upstate New York need winter.

Maybe, in a way, people do, too.  Many have just not been able to get into the holiday spirit.  Our internal calendars are dazed and confused.  We don't know what time it is.

In a way, we northerners need chill hours, too.

I hate to admit it.

But for now, I am enjoying the unseasonable weather, and lack of ice and snow.

Just don't melt our Santas.

The Dolls of Tragedy

The dolls look so innocent, in their display case.

And the dollhouse with its rooms decorated in the fashions of time past seem so fascinating.

You look at the detail and smile at the girl in her room.

But then you look a little closer and the smile disappears. 

Look especially at the girl on the left, who has something on her coat right under the color.

It's hard to see, but if you know anything about the Holocaust, you know what it is.

It's a yellow Star of David, with the word "Jude" (German for Jew) written across it.  All Jews six and older in Germany and almost all other territories later occupied by the Nazis had to wear this badge, or a variation (including the word "Jew" in the language of the occupied country. 

A religious group, singled out, and made to dress in ways that immediately identified them to their persecutors.  The persecutions started out small.  Eventually, it grew into a horror that could not have been imagined by the citizens of our world.  A horror that is even denied by various people today.

But the tragedy doesn't end there.

These dolls, and the dollhouse, were owned by a woman, Bobbie King, a mother of 10, and the member of the congregation that runs Hanukkah House, a museum open every December in the city of Binghamton, New York.

Bobbie King, a woman who taught English to immigrants as one of her post-retirement careers, died on April 3, 2009, along with 13 of her students, gunned down in cold blood by a former student of the organization where she taught.  She was the oldest of the 13 victims.

Her doll collection was well known in the community.  She would sometimes give dolls to the children of the community.  Small portions of her collection are now displayed in the Hanukkah House museum thanks to the generosity of her family.

Bobbie King knew well that we must remember the lessons of history.  There are many lessons in the life and death of Bobbie King, and the others who died at the American Civic Association on April 3, 2009.

It's obvious we have not learned those lessons.  Will we ever?

Music Monday - Christmas Songs Written by Jews

Happy first day of winter (or summer, if you are in the Southern Hemisphere), to you.

Tioga County, NY Historical Society "O Tannenbaum 2015"

This has become one of my favorite seasonal blog posts, which I update a little each year.

Why do Christians in the United States dream of a White Christmas?  Why is it so important that snow is on the ground?

Why does White Christmas have its own official website?

It could be because White Christmas (the song, as sung by Bing Crosby) is the best selling single of all time.

It may surprise you that White Christmas was written by a Jewish song writer.

It may also surprise you that Jews are responsible for many other beloved Christmas songs.

My quest to find out more started in 2010, reading a NY Times Op Ed.  There are a number of these songs, and other bloggers and writers have done the research for me:  I thank them, including the wonderful people at Mental Floss and this article. (a must read, based on extensive research).

Some may argue that these are NOT Christmas songs, but rather songs about what I would now call the "secular Christmas". True, these are not hymns.  But it is true that the American celebration of Christmas incorporates many aspects of non-religious symbolism - this ground has been covered by other writers.

I consider them Christmas songs.  I think, in particular, few would argue that "I'll be Home for Christmas" isn't one of the most heartfelt Christmas songs every written.

(Note, I have not done any of this research myself.  I am not a musician or a music expert, just someone who likes to listen to well written music.  So if I end up spreading wrong information, I apologize.  I did try more than one source, but - as you well know- you can't trust everything you read on the Internet.)

1.  White Christmas:  Irving Berlin lived to 101, married a Catholic woman back when that type of intermarriage was extremely scandalous (to both families) and defined Christmas for entire generations of American Christians.  (Incidentally, he also wrote "Easter Parade" and "God Bless America".) The next time you wonder if you will be having a white Christmas, and if you can't figure out exactly why that should be so important, well....blame Bing Crosby and Irving Berlin.

2.  Silver Bells:  this one is another movie song, and talks about the bells of the Salvation Army "in the city". (I always assume it is New York City.)  Another Bing Crosby classic.

 3.  Winter Wonderland: the author of this song was a Jewish man from Brooklyn.  The air must have been a lot less polluted in those days.   When I grew up in the New York City of the 1950's, a snowy day was more like a Black Crusted Snow Wasteland.

4.  The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire):  The Nat King Cole version is one of my favorite songs, ever.  This brings back so many memories of the holiday season in the late 60's in midtown Manhattan and the vendors who would sell roasted chestnuts.  The fragrance carried for blocks.  For this song, we thank the Jewish songwriter Mel Torme.


Here's a version sung by Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole.

Jack Frost would certainly nip at your nose in NYC.  The climate there is so damp, it feels way colder than it really is.

5.  Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow:  the duo, both Jewish, who wrote that song, also wrote "The Christmas Waltz".

6.  I'll be Home for Christmas.  As an almost-history major in college, this song makes me think of my aunts and uncles who served during World War II.  For this, I chose a version sung by Frank Sinatra.

And last but not least, something I picked up in my research:  remember Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  It would seem that Johnny Marks, the author of that song (and also "Rockin' Round the Christmas Tree" and "A Holly Jolly Christmas")  was Jewish.

Here is another list for your enjoyment.

Think of the themes of these songs:  Missing your home.  Childhood nostalgia.  Enjoying a season of lights and happiness. The different child (or reindeer), scorned by others, who becomes the best of all.  These are universal themes, and this is why these songs, I think, are so appealing, no matter who wrote them.

This leads me to another question:  why aren't there a bunch of popular, best selling Hanukkah songs if Jews are so good at writing Christmas songs? Well, there are reasons for that, too.

Perhaps I should blog about that next year, instead.

Do you enjoy any particular holiday songs of the December season?  Which is your favorite?

Days of Their Lives

People come into your life.  People pass out of your life.

Sometimes, you find out how the story ends.  Sometimes you are left wondering.  Sometimes you find out.  Sometimes, I don't know what is worse.

Yesterday, I read a story about a teacher and a student, a true story that made me, so much, want to know how the story of this young man's childhood ended.  Did the young man grow up and find stability in his life?  Was he a wonderful husband or father? Or, did he go down a wrong, bad path?

I am 63 now.  Many people have entered and exited my life in many ways.  We grew apart.  We moved apart. We changed jobs.  Some of us...well, entered the ultimate separation.

I have a little story of my own to share today.

When I was a young adult, I lived, with my spouse, in several places. A couple of the moves were due to my spouse being in the military.

In one of those places, I met her.

She worked at the company where I found one of my first full time jobs.  In fact, she trained me into a profession I followed for most of the next 20 years.  She was not always a pleasant person - in fact, at times, I found her to be rather arrogant.  Of course, I was a bit rough around the edges when I was in my 20's, too.  But she did a good job of training me, and for that I am grateful.  She gave me a career, whether she knew it or not.

Her name was a little bit unusual (for names I had heard up to then), and I remembered it, too.  I remembered her husband's name.  We worked in a small office, and many of the husbands had that same first name. 


At the time, she was childless.  But, one day, that changed.

She worked all through her pregnancy.  She gave birth to a boy, and I loved the name she gave him. 
Once she came back to work, though, it was clear she didn't want to be there.  Her heart's desire was to be with her baby boy, and, eventually, she quit her job to stay home full time.

Then, my spouse and I left the area.  We have never returned.

Recently, an impulse caused me to look her up.  I get those impulses from time to time - wanting to know the rest of the stories of the people of my youth.  From time to time, a person enters my mind, and I am driven to find out the days of their lives.  Enough times, I find that the people I want to find never left the community where I knew them. Facebook sometimes aids me.

In this case, it didn't take long.

I found her.  She was mentioned in an obituary.  No, it isn't what you think. It wasn't her obituary.

It was her granddaughter's, who died last year.  A two year old granddaughter, her first, the daughter of the son she had quit work for to raise.

Several days later, I found my former co worker on Facebook.  Her profile was public, and I gazed upon her face for the first time in 35 years.  I wouldn't have recognized this middle aged woman, and who knows if she would have recognized me.  I saw her young baby boy from 35 years ago and what he looked like as a man in his 30's.

There weren't too many photos on her timeline, but most all the photos were of her small granddaughter.  It was obvious she was born medically fragile and had eventually succumbed.  Tubes.  A puffed up face.

A family full of love.

I found her husband's obituary, too.  He had died two years years before their granddaughter was born.

I gazed at the computer screen, wistful.

Sometimes, we just don't know the directions our lives will take.  Perhaps, that is why we aren't given any peeks into the future. 

Perhaps the moral of these stories is that I should not spend too much time in the past.  There is a saying - the rear view mirror is small.  The windshield is large.  That teaches us we must look ahead.

Not behind.

So go the days of our lives.

Have you ever done research and found something you rather would not have known?

Local Saturday - It Was Different, All Right

January 1, 2015 feels like a million miles away now.

On January 1, I broke with tradition and decided to have a year that was DIFFERENT from any year I had before.

I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. Nature even heard my call for being DIFFERENT and complied.  But not always in a good way.  Floods throughout parts of the world.  Severe drought in other parts of the world

You would think that a snowless winter would be a great idea here in the edge of the snowbelt, but, as I will explain shortly, it may not be.

Today, winter finally caught up with the good folks of upstate New York.  Some places have gotten well over 14 inches.  Lake effect snow warnings are in effect in many places.

This is what one of these looks like, in a parking lot here in Johnson City, New York about 12:30 this afternoon.  Earlier, there was ice.  Accidents.

There was snow on my camilla, my April Rose, the southern plant I am trying to grow in my zone 5b back yard.

But it could be worse.  Take this warning,  in Erie, Pennsylvania.

Warning Description: Lake Effect Snow Warning
Warning Date: 10:14 am EST on December 19, 2015
WarningSum:...Lake Effect Snow Warning Remains In Effect Until 10 Pm Est
This Evening...

Warning Message:* timing...occasional heavy lake effect snow showers will be
  likely into the afternoon hours. The snow will slowly taper off
  late this afternoon and evening.
* Snow accumulations...6 to 10 inches.
* Winds...west 15 to 25 mph.
* Impacts...snow will accumulate rapidly where lake effect snow 
  bands persist with very poor visibility. Blowing and drifting 
  snow will occur in open areas. 
Precautionary/preparedness actions...
In lake effect snow the weather can vary from locally heavy snow
in narrow bands to dry weather just a few miles away. If you will
be traveling across the region be prepared for rapid changes in
Road and visibility conditions. Stay tuned to NOAA Weather Radio
for further details or updates.

They aren't kidding about the "rapid changes in road and visibility conditions" either.  Winter here is a challenge.

I try to be nostalgic.  This was our weather forecast on December 13, just a week ago.  It was nice while it lasted.

It's supposed to warm up still again, after this weekend.  So why isn't that good?

Because there is a natural order of things.  In upstate New York, that natural order in the third week of Cecember is winter weather.

Which, as every reader of my blog knows, I hate.

But our ecology depends on winter.  We shouldn't have confused plants not knowing what to do. People shouldn't be mowing lawns. Washington DC shouldn't have cherry blossoms blooming.

When the winter weather finally comes, it will probably be sudden, and plants won't have time to adapt.  Just because a plant is cold hardy doesn't mean it doesn't need to adapt to the coming cold weather.  If it can't it may just die.

Last summer, after our harsh winter, beautiful blooms awaited in the spring.  We had a bountiful apple crop.  They were protected by snow.  Now, uncertainty rules.

I fear for my April Rose camilla.

But what will be will be.  So for now I enjoy my indoor poinsettias and my one blooming amaryllis. Maybe I'll even enjoy a nice cup of tea.

One thing I promise - I will not, ever, choose a word for the coming year like "different".

What kind of day did you have today?

To Tell The Truth

Does anyone out here in blogger land remember the game show To Tell the Truth?

It premiered (here in the United States) on December 18, 1956 - 59 years ago today.

This was its theme song when it first came on the air.

The premise was simple:  two imposters, and one "real" person, were questioned by a panel.  The panel would ask questions to try to determine which of the three people were telling the truth. Then, the panel had to guess the "real person".

One of the most improbable To Tell the Truths, broadcast in 1972,  featured someone who turned out to be a serial killer, Edward Wayne Edwards.  This segment is about eight minutes long but it is well worth seeing.  Watch how the panel, including a young Alan Alda, used their own brand of logic to guess who the "real person" was.

Mr.  Edwards died in prison, in 2011. 

If serial killers don't interest you, Dr. Seuss, the famous children's author, might.

If you watched the segments through, did you guess the real people?  How well did you do?  (I'm proud to say I guessed the correct Dr. Seuss - most of the panelists didn't.)

Did you live during the golden age of game shows?  Which ones did you like?

The End of Tradition

This coming Christmas will be the end of a tradition for my in laws.

For the first time in many, many years, we will not be having Christmas with relatives in Yonkers.  Earlier this year, due to health and other issues, we had to move my mother in law up here, and about 150 more miles (approximately 241 km) away from those relatives.  My mother in law, who is now in her late 80's, can no longer travel.

One of the relatives down there will be 104 years old early next year.  She can't travel, either.

Fortunately, a family member living in New York City will be able to spend Christmas with the Yonkers branch of the family, but it won't be the same.

Especially for "B", my brother in law with a developmental disability called autism, who lives with my mother in law.  He wants to continue the Yonkers tradition, because change is upsetting to him.  And we all know there has been a massive amount of change in his life last year.  He had to move from the house he had lived in for almost all of his life. He had to witness two hospitalizations of his aging mother, and weeks in rehab.  His entire routine was disrupted.

But he managed (and I still need to blog about that).

He will manage this change, too, although he came up with a couple of schemes (he's good at that, too, by the way) to try to get himself down there while his mother spent time with - well, he doesn't understand about social relationships and the fact that his schemes would not work for that reason.

But we are not going to let her be alone for Christmas.

So, this will be new for all of us.  I will miss my cousin-in-law's manicotti tremendously, but look forward to a quiet Christmas free of travel this year.

Have you had to let go of a tradition?

Fall Fancies - O Tannenbaum

This is the last Fall Fancies Wednesday post for 2015.

Next Wednesday I begin Summer....no, I mean, Winter Wonders.  Never mind the unseasonable temperatures we've had in upstate New York. Yesterday, it got into the 60's F (17 C).  It will cool off by the weekend (we may have snow Saturday) but, by Christmas Eve (December 24) it will be back in the 60's.

And, on December 21, winter begins.

Or, so they say.

When you live in an area that normally has snow on the ground in December, it can be hard to get into what we call the Christmas spirit.

But the Tioga County Historical Society is going to help us.  Located in the small town of Owego, New York, they hold a fundraiser every November and December called O Tannenbaum.

Here are some highlights.

A display called "Memories".

A nutcracker.

An overview of some of the wonderfully decorated trees, each up for auction.

Is it a holiday season where you live?  What does it look like?

Garden Bloggers Bloom Day Dec 2015- Warm! Warm! Warm!

Today is the most unusual Garden Bloggers Bloom Day ever since I joined this monthly meme hosted by May Dreams Gardens, an Indiana blogger.

In the entire Northeast United States, fall never ended, and winter weather never quite began. 

We had a couple of snow events here in upstate New York back in early November, enough for a dusting but then the snow stopped.   This was my post for December, 2014, a harsh winter - now we have just the opposite.  I have never seen anything like this, and I have lived in upstate New York for almost 30 years.

Here in zone 5b, we have green lawns.

And I still have...drum roll - outdoor flowers! 

This lone alyssum was planted by seed, and until recently, had some company - a purple alyssum.  But alas, the purple alyssum gave up.  But not this hardy specimen!

 A rosemary plant, in a pot (they are not hardy here), blooms - and has been outdoors except when the temperatures dropped below freezing.

My two remaining hanging baskets, brought in when frost threatens but otherwise, outdoors.

An aster seems to be still blooming, frozen in time, although I am sure these are not new flowers.

This past March we had purchased an April Rose Camilla, our experiment in camilla growing where they say it is impossible.  If the weather stays the way it has been, it won't be impossible.

"If only I had known", I would have protected a lot more of my annual plants.  On exercise walks, I have seen calendula in bloom in several yards.

But wait!  There's more!

If I take this blog post indoors, I can show you some pink African violets.

And, here, purple African violets.

Finally, my Thanksgiving cactus are still giving thanks for something, blooming away the most vigorously I have ever seen.

Every one of us basking in the 60 degree weather (it was 64 F or 17.7 C yesterday at my house near Binghamton, New York) thinks with dread of how Mother Nature intends to make us pay for this most wonderful fall ever.

Or, will she?  Could this continue, an endless fall?


Come visit May Dreams Gardens,  and visit other blogs linked to Garden Bloggers Bloom Day to see what is blooming all over the world today.

Music Monday - White Christmas

If you listened to our American weather channels, you would think everybody in the country was hoping for a White Christmas.

It got me to thinking about the song White Christmas....which may well be the number one best selling "single" of all time in the world, with more than 50 million copies sold.

The song was written by a Russian Jewish immigrant to the United States, Irving Berlin, homesick for his family.  It premiered on radio shortly after the Pearl Harbor attack of December 7, 1941.  This is one of many, many versions of the song - I enjoyed this rendition more for the dancing.

In 1942, the song was featured in a film called Holiday Inn, and in my opinion, there is nothing like the original.  Ah, Bing Crosby.  The rest, as they say, is history.

We shouldn't be surprised that the most popular Christmas song of all time was written by a Jew.  Next Monday, please come back and enjoy my annual post about some other popular Christmas songs and who they were written by.  You may be surprised.

After listening to White Christmas, I got to thinking.  Here in upstate New York, this was the weather forecast as of yesterday for this week.

We may well be dreaming, not of the normal white Christmas of a city on the edge of the snow belt of upstate New York, but of something we never thought we would ever see without heading for Florida.   Green lawns.  And maybe even some outdoor flowers blooming.

And now to prove I am no Irving Berlin, here is what I am dreaming of.

Binghamton, NY, December 13

I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
Just like the ones I never knew...

West side of Binghamton, NY, December 13

Where the flowers still bloom

And there is no gloom
As ice doesn't coat the streets.

Binghamton, December 13

I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
With each passing day like like fall.

May your trees all shine with a sheen,
And may all your Christmases be green.

Hanukkah House Binghamton Part 1

Today, on the last day of Hanukkah (the Jewish "Festival of Lights"), I made my annual visit to Binghamton, New York's Hanukkah House museum.

Hanukkah House is a teaching museum inside of Temple Concord in Binghamton, in upstate New York, about 150 miles from New York City.   It exists to teach both the Jewish and non-Jewish community of Binghamton about Jewish culture, and more about the holiday of Hanukkah (there are several alternate spellings), which commemorates the rededication of the Temple in 165 BCE (Before the Common Era, which corresponds with the Christian BC, "before Christ") in our common Western calendar.

Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, commemorates both the ending of a war for religious freedom and a miracle that occurred when the temple menorah was lit.  With only enough oil to last one day the menorah burned for eight days, until more oil could be located and brought to the Temple.

The museum features an exhibit of Hanukkiyah, the candelabras used in Jewish homes to hold Hanukkah candles.  (these are commonly called menorah, but a "menorah" is a specific type of lamp different than what the usual Jewish household would use.)

Some of the hanukkiyah in the museum are old, and beautifully decorated with religious symbols. (This one, also, instead of the nine candle holders normally found- one for each day of the miracle and a "helper candle" that is used to light the other candles) has 10.

Hanukkiyah don't have to be decorated with religious symbols.  Instead, especially for those used by children, they can be whimsical.

Or, they can commemorate, as this summer camp made menorah does.  This commemorates the New York City of pre-September 11, 2001.  (My finger blocked out the raised "helper candle" holder at the upper left.)

Later this month I will feature Part 2 of this year's post about Hanukkah House - a special collection by a special woman whose life (and death) holds much meaning for the future of our nation.

Local Saturday - Fog and Frost

One more seasonal post for the week.
Normally, at this time of year, we would have snow on the ground.

Instead, this is what we have.  Fog.

And frost.  We should have had hard freezes two months ago.  Instead. we are still in the realm of frosty, green vincas, rimmed with frost.  How beautiful!

Tuesday afternoon, walking with my "guest photographer" in downtown Binghamton, New York, I saw this plant blooming against a wall.

Yes, you heard me right.  Blooming.  Never mind that this is a sheltered location.  This should not be happening.

Remember when I blogged about my neighborhood bionic goldenrod?  It's still blooming.

Normally, it would look more like this.

My guest photographer, who lives in the countryside near Binghamton, New York, has been enjoying the lack of snow - so totally unlike last year, when we endured The Zombied Snowcopolypse.  (the pictures in that blog post are hers, too, except for the blooming forsythia.)

And never mind us.  Boston.  Buffalo.

Now neighborhoods that were buried in snow last year at this time are buried in green grass instead.

How long can this last? 

Life is full of surprises.  Let's hope our local surprises remain good ones.

Falling Friday - The Wake

The wake was well attended.  The funeral home had to direct traffic and the lines were long.

The deceased was the youngest of 12 children and her husband had a large family, too.  She had been popular with many friends, and the wait to get to the coffin and the receiving line was well over an hour.

Boards displayed photos of an active life - her love of music, her love of family and poetry.  She enjoyed outdoor activities at a vacation home near a Pennsylvania lake. 

My mother in law, who has fallen many times and now has limited mobility, talked about other funerals while we waited.  The long lines reminded her of her brother in law's funeral. He had been a fireman in a suburban New York City city. He had fallen off a roof while moonlighting.


The damage done by falling seems endless.  We are scared by terrorists, by shootings, and by purse snatchings (there is an epidemic of purse snatchings now where I live).  But perhaps we should be scared most of all by what we do in our everyday lives.

I started out Falling Friday in a hope to educate.  Lately, it seems it has become more of an occasion to mourn.

I may even be mourning the falls prevention class I attended (Stepping On)- I found out recently that their grant will run out sometime next year, and there may only be one more round of classes (in April, as many seniors prone to falling do not go out much in the winter).

So I will take a hiatus, and, perhaps, start this Friday series up in the New Year.

If you have enjoyed this series, what would you like to see in the New Year?

Throwback Thursday - Tis the Season - For Sadness

This throwback is from December 9, 2009, the first time I wrote about "Blue Christmas".

Not everyone has a happy holiday season.

Now, our family (inlaws) has experienced holiday death in the family again. My brother in law's mother in law passed away a week ago Tuesday.   And my aunt (by marriage)'s sister died on Thanksgiving Day (November 26) .  So, I thought it would be timely to rerun this first Blue Christmas post.

I'm not even sure I will decorate.  I will certainly keep things simple.

My writing has become more polished over the years but I am not going to do any editing.  This voice from the past is speaking to me, and I hope its message will help some of my readers.

Tis the Season....for Sadness

Happy Holidays!

No, that's not true.

The holidays are not happy for everyone. 

11 years ago December 25.....  Spouse and I were at my in-laws on Christmas Day.  They live about 150 miles from where we live.  We had a nice day with other family members, and settled down to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"  with my mother in law and father in law.  Then we went to bed.

My father in law never woke up.  He died during the night of a massive heart attack, his third.

Imagine my mother in law, spending the day after Christmas arranging for the funeral of her husband of nearly 50 years.    The decisions that had to be made quickly, oh so quickly.  The little things, like flowers being almost impossible to come by (flowers being a part of their culture's funeral tradition).  Or us having to borrow clothes for the funeral-most people don't visit for Christmas with black clothes in their suitcase!  Those little details, in a sea of all the major details, on a holiday weekend.

The family gathered again but this time for a much sadder occasion.  Many people came to the funeral home, and it was a great comfort.  But then everyone had to go home, including us.

And then the next Christmas rolled around.  It was not easy.  But we survived, and each year it became easier.  My mother in law has established her independence, and enjoys Christmas with family.

It never goes away but it does become easier.  Although, I have never watched "It's a Wonderful Life" again.

Years ago I worked with someone whose husband died from cancer on Thanksgiving.  In my youth I couldn't understand why Thanksgiving was so hard for her.

Now I understand.

"Blue Christmas" is more than an Elvis song.  For those who have experienced loss:  loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, loss of a job, the holidays can be so hard to survive, even if you are not a Christian.  Whereever you go, you are surrounded by smiling Santa's, by holiday decorations, by endless carols blaring at work, at the supermarket, at the mall, by constant reminders that everyone is happy.  Except you.

But, you are not alone.  And you will get through it, although it may take a long time.

Time is your friend.  It was for me.  I hope it is for you.

Fall Fancies - Is It Winter Yet?

 This is our five day forecast here in upstate New York.

61F (16 C) by Sunday?   Our unbelievable fall continues, but the end is near.

This past Sunday, though, many people were out enjoying the unseasonable weather.

A sumac seedhead stands tall.  That's normal.

But this isn't. A small sapling's leaves are at peak.  In December.

A forsythia blooming.  This particular forsythia, on the trailhead of the Vestal Rail Trail, blooms every fall.  But in December?

The grass is still green.

And the stems are red.

One thing you aren't seeing (because my iPhone camera isn't that good) is the blue jays who were flying around today on this trail, screeching from their perches high in trees.  Normally, at this time of year, you don't hear much from birds.

It's like a dream.

The Mamas and the Papas once sang of California Dreamin'.  But now, perhaps it's time for Californians to do some New York dreaming for a change.

Still, we worry and wonder:  when will Nature change and give us a horrible winter to make up for what is going on here?  After all, Nature has its ways of balancing the weather.  There is a price to pay.  Almost.

But maybe, just maybe...we paid that price last year?

For now...we are New York dreamin' indeed.  More later in the week.

Have you been experiencing unusual weather?

Tuesday Miracles

Today at sundown begins day three of the eight day Jewish holiday of Hanukkah.  In what has become a Hanukkah tradition, I hope (later this month) to post pictures taken at Hanukkah House, a museum in Binghamton, New York.

In the meantime, I wanted to let a fellow blogger, Judy Yaron, do the heavy work for me today as she asks:  What is your miracle?

Do you believe in miracles?  And, what is a miracle, anyway?

This is a Jewish viewpoint:  all of life is one big miracle.  For those who do not believe in the deity of the Biblical tradition, many still believe in a Spirit, or Nature, or some other supernatural force that we can not fully understand.

And if you do, you just might believe in miracles.  Everything from what happens as a baby grows inside of us throughout our lives, to the germination of a seed and how it grows into an adult plant, to a beautiful sunrise or sunset, to the song of a bird or the smell of sauteing garlic or onions, is a miracle, in my opinion.  These events are all explainable by science but science, after all, is just something that enables us to understand the workings of our world.

And the more I understand, the more I see the miracles in everyday life.  Even today, as our nation navigates waters churned with terror and with hate, and we don't know what direction to turn in, there are still enough examples of the goodness of humanity.

I want to believe in that, anyway, as the United States enters new, even scarier waters.

The human race has known hours of uncertainty before.  We need our faith in the goodness of humanity more than ever, and the everyday miracles around us.

So...is there a miracle in your life?

Music Monday - Someday

This post is dedicated to those in my life who have lost loved ones in the past year.  This year has been a rough one for several people in my life.  Friends, spouses, cousins, lost.  I know some of my blogging has started to acquire a dark edge.

But hope is also part of life.

At a wake Friday, one of these men told me, as we hugged, speaking of his late wife "I know we'll be together again one day".

That made me think of some of the lyrics the Supremes song "Someday We'll be Together", although that song deals more with the hope of getting together again after a relationship breakup.

It made me think of other songs I like that discuss Someday.

Ooh Child - The Five Stairsteps

And one more, by a singer, Donny Hathaway, who left us too soon - Someday We'll All Be Free.

Yes, the power of music.  I want to leave you with a blog post by "Suzy" that talks about her expression of grief, and which introduced me to a song I had never heard of:  Chotto Matte Kudasai (Please wait a second).

What songs have helped you through grief?

The Bionic Goldenrod and the Painful Aster

In upstate New York, we have had a much milder than normal fall.  Just a trace of snow.  Right now we have thick fog which will burn off later this morning - with a sunny, mild day predicted.

Near my house, a goldenrod still blooms, and it isn't even in a sheltered spot.  I am calling it my "bionic goldenrod".  I wonder when it will finally stop?

Near Windsor, NY - thanks to my "guest photographer"

Our hills are still green - sort of.

Beautiful color here and there.

These fluffy white things have seeds in them but I'm not sure of the plant they belong to.

And last but not least...I have been recovering from a painful attack of sciatica.  It is still difficult for me to do some things involving my legs.  So when I saw this aster near our walking trail, still in bloom, I tried to get down to take the picture.

I got a real nice one of the leaves but the aster, not so much.  Please excuse the blurriness.

What is the weather like for you today?

Local Saturday - A Freshly Minted Teacher

Last night, my spouse and I took my mother in law to the wake of her son's wife's mother. (Now that is a mouthful, and I wish there was a word in English for that relationship.  If there is, I don't know the word.)  The funeral home was packed - it's a large family and the deceased and her husband had many, many friends in the area.

At the end of the receiving line, after the deceased's husband, my brother in law, his wife and her sister and brother and their spouses, were the nieces and nephews.  I don't see them much, and so was pleased to find that one of them (in her 20's) started, this past September, as a teacher at the local high school.

A freshly minted teacher.  I think she will be an excellent one.

But (and, of course, we didn't tell her this) I hope she survives what is becoming an increasingly rocky profession.

I have two cousins who work in the New York City school system.  One is a special ed teacher, one is a school psychologist.  My late best friend from childhood was an elementary school teacher in Brooklyn for many years.  Another cousin was a speech therapist in New York City schools.  A cousin of my spouse's is a retired elementary school teacher and another of his cousins is a high school French teacher in Florida.  For some reason, the teaching talent escaped me, although my mother had high hopes for me becoming a teacher before she passed away way too young.

But, I've heard too many of their stories, especially from the ones who retired.

In the days when my best friend taught, teaching started out as a high calling.  Now, I'm not sure what it is.  I know I count teachers as among the readers of my blog, and I could let them speak for themselves, if any of them cared to.  I am not a teacher and am not qualified to blog about that profession, except as the mother of someone who was educated by the public school system.

I hope my niece in law (again, wish there was a name for that) experiences what teaching should be like - it can be rewarding and should be.  Her hopes are high.

I hope she is not disappointed.

Falling Friday - We've Fallen and We Can't Get Up

Today, I will attend the wake of an 83 year old woman, my brother in law's mother in law, and, tomorrow, her funeral.

She fell, back in February. She fell in the bathtub and hit her head, beginning a nine month nightmare for her and her family. That nightmare ended earlier this week.  Tomorrow, her family will celebrate her life.  It was a long, active life despite many health issues.

That, in a way, we can understand.  People grow old.  We all will.  For too many of us, falling is part of that process.  We have come to recognize that in the United States, and are trying to work on seeing if it is possible to educate people into being more aware of falls.

We can educate people about vision, about the risk of various medications in relation to falling.

But some things are beyond the scope of my Falling Friday feature.

Next week, a lot of people in the San Bernardino, California area are going to be attending funeral services, while the rest of us in the United States ask, once again, why?  how?  It's almost become "another day, another massacre".

Today, I know people going to a holiday retiree luncheon in their office.  Will they think of San Bernardino when they walk in the door?

Years ago, a series of commercials for a Life Call device ("I've fallen, and I can't get up!") became classics.

What I do know is, after reading some of the posts on my Facebook page this morning (including one from a man who majored in psychology), I feel like our country has fallen, and we can't get up.

And there is no Life Call for us.

This one we have to figure out on our own. I speak as someone who works in a community that had its own mass shooting back in 2009.  We can't hide our heads in the sand any more.  We can't blame Congress, in a way - Congress is the people we elect.  Nor can we just send our thoughts and prayers out to the latest set of victims.

Be more aware of what is happening around you, in the meantime. 

Americans: think carefully.  Act wisely.  But act. We can no longer be paralyzed.   The future of our country depends on it.

Beyond Belief

Today, I wish I had the eloquence of a skilled best selling author.  I wish the thoughts could flow off my typing fingers like honey flows from an extractor.

I wish I had the answers.

My brother in law, "B", who has autism, may have heard of this news when he came home from his twice a week day program yesterday.  Or, perhaps he found out when he turned his favorite news channel on later in the afternoon.

Either way, it is so hard to tell how much he understands about the San Bernardino shooting http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-san-bernardino-shooting-live-updates-htmlstory.htmlyesterday, where a husband and wife team shot and killed 14 people in a center serving those with developmental disabilities such as autism.  They left some 1400 rounds of ammunition and three pipe bombs attached to a remote control device at the scene.

A holiday party was in process at the time the shooting began.

The dead ranged in age from 26 to 60 and included a woman who had moved here from Iran after the Iranian revolution and a man who left six children behind.

This is what we know so far of the victims.

21 others were injured.

They left their six month old daughter with a relative before they embarked on their acts.  In their apartments, authorities discovered 12 more pipe bombs and more weapons.  In their getaway SUV authorities found about 1,600 more rounds of ammunition.

Actually, none of us here in the United States understand this.   We all have this in common with my brother in law.

Will he go to his program again tomorrow? (Today was an off day for him).  And, if so, what will he be thinking?


I just wish I had the magic words to make it all better for everyone in the world.  Because it just isn't us.  This is only the latest chapter of a story which none of us know the ending to yet.

Fall Fancies - The Lament of the Last Tree

Alone in the upstate New York community I live in, the last tree with leaves stands proudly.

Taken several days ago but still full of leaves today

Look at me! it seems to say.  I am the last survivor.

A month ago, turning trees were everywhere.

Red and gold, brown and yellow, my brothers celebrated the season.

Broome County Library, November 4

Now it's down to me.  I am the last.

The other leaves have fallen.  They sit in leaf bags and in mulch piles.

Only I remain, but for how long?  Perhaps hours? Perhaps until the next windstorm?  Or when snow finally comes to upstate New York?

My days are numbered.  But do not mourn for me.

How To Cope With Holiday Grief

What we call the holiday season is not always joyous.
Today, my brother in law's mother in law passed away. 

My family is no stranger to grief during the holiday season.  My father in law passed away on Christmas night.  This will be a difficult holiday season for some of our family members once again.


For all of humanity, coping with grief while others celebrate is a complex issue.

How do you support those who are grieving during a holiday?

Some Christian congregations, recognizing the stress those grieving during the holiday season undergo, started what are called "Blue Christmas" services.  Commonly, these are held on December 21, the longest night of the year in the Western Hemisphere.

For Orthodox Jews, people mourning their parents are expected to abstain from certain joyous occasions for a year after death.  For other family members, the time frame is shorter.

Muslims also find ways to manage grief and religious observances.

So, how else do people in our situation cope with grief during a holiday?  This is some advice from my previous experience when my father in law died.  I am not a mental health care worker or a physician; just a layperson who has been through it.  This is what worked for me.

First and foremost, talk if you feel the need.  Share good memories.

Have a good cry if it helps.  There is no shame in crying.

Lower your expectations.  Do holiday traditions help your grief or increase it?  If increase, then this year is not the time for it.  You keep it simple.

You cut back social obligations and only do what you feel comfortable doing.

You are kind to yourself and other family members.

You seek out support from those who have been there before you.

You realize that the pain will always be there, but it will diminish.  The night my father in law died, in the late 1990's, we watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with him.  It was one of my favorite movies.  I never watched it again, but last year, I honored his memory by visiting Seneca Falls, NY (the residents there believe the fictional Bedford Falls was modeled after their city) and taking part in an annual festival that celebrates the movie.

Today is an international Giving Tuesday, which has become a movement for both charitable giving during the holiday season, and for donating hours or volunteer work to non profits.

This year, when you give, please consider supporting those who do not find the December holiday season a time of joy.

Have you suffered a loss during a holiday time?  How did you cope?